Well ya, so i guess i’m going to tell you.

Ok, lets see. First of all i guess i’ll start with… my horses. cause i love em. I haven’t been able to ride a lot due to the absolutely horrid weather here in chatty. But when Texas was at my house i mostly rode him. And now i mostly ride Tequila. Oakie has been ridden but he needs his feet done so i dont like to ride him then. Mom has been riding Bayley, which Bayley seems to like lol because mom doesn’t make her do things like i do. Tequila is actually doing very well. Pixie has grown .. a lot, trying to outdo her mom i suppose. Shes really quite a pretty little thing though. I’ve ordered a new bit for tequila, mom bought me a new english saddle pad, and shes buying me NEW square toed black western cowboy boots. I’m pretty excited.

My job at FB is doing just fine. I work in the office with Maryanne as the back up book keeper and I quite enjoy this work. It was prompted me to go to school for business accounting book keeping related stuff upcoming in the fall. Not that i’ve applied but i should. In order to go i wanted to take this ILC math course for college math and i’m actually really enjoying that as well. I recieved 93% on my first unit.

Chad and I are doing very well. All my friends are amazing. The funny thing is, i always see people from my past and they haven’t changed or grown up at all, and it just makes me feel that i dont miss my past at all. I’m so glad i’ve moved on from those days when the only thing that mattered was getting fucked up. and fucking my own life up.

I am happy and never depressed, i also never feel the need to drink. Even when i’m at parties if it isn’t the right atmosphere i usually am very tame.

Anyway…that just about sums my life up there. OH right, I’m also excited that i’ve booked my FIRST tattoo at Inkternal in Port Elgin. SUPER fucking pumped <3 anyway. NOW i’m done.

Today is my birthday. I am now considered a year older. I am truthfully only a day. But i have lived another year since my last birthday, hence i am now twenty.

I have left my teen years behind me. Life for me could not be better for me…

I may have no serious direction in my life, but who cares, i’m happy. Things will fall into place for me, i’m sure of it. Even at work people try to create drama, and i’m like, fuck it. live with it, things change, sometimes it sucks, suck it up? quit? i dont care. Its just a job.

My horses are fantastic. I was so happy, i took Bayley to Markdale Fall Fair, did really well. 3rd in halter mares, 3rd in stock horse halter, 1st in senior showmanship, reserve in champion showman, 2nd in pleasure, and 1st in equitation. Not too shabby for the old girl.

Anyway. i should be going to enjoy my birthday, because what else to celebrate except how awesome my twenty years of life have been ha ha jk <3

well life is still going really quite amazing, even though a few things have changed.

First off, i no longer have a ninety-two honda civic dx special edition. it got smashed into by some fuck driving a huge as ford truck. So i now own a ninety-nine nissan sentra GX. It is a decent little car. cute.  life wasn’t exactly pretty when the honda was wrecked. just so you know.

Camp has been going awesome. Some kids just ALWAYS make ya smile, but most of the kids just make ya wanna stop trying. i dunno. i’ve learned so much at camp to help raise my own children when i have them. Texas is an amazing boy these days, never takes a wrong step and i love working with him. We started lucy very successfully and that is really good.

FB has been ok… some changes are happening and its pretty… fucked up at times but im living. i still enjoy my job most of the time when i go in there. I was trained how to open and i now open once a week and really enjoy doing that truthfully.

My own horses are just spectacular. Oakie is so happy these days i cannot get over it.

Chad is .. the love of my life <3 need i say more? We took a very mini vaca to Niagra Falls and had a pretty good time. I’ve mostly been living it up in my time off with him.

anyway i thought maybe. just maybe. an update would be good?

ya know whats interesting? thinking back, what was i doing a year ago today?

Last year, in June, i do not think my life was in a particularly  good spot. i was depressed, i was fucking up at school, i was not going to go to school in the fall, the relationship i was in was totally just falling apart for various reasons. Its just interesting, because this year,right now, i think i might be feeling happier than i ever have. I have everything i need. The best, most supportive family. The most amazing friends. Karlie and i, soul mates, we are going to be in a home one day sitting on a porch being like, do you remember the time when i lit you on fire? (true story). I have an amazing set up of horses, Bayley is such an amazing animal and is so much a part of my life its ridiculous, i will be broken when she’s gone. Tequila and Oakie, my two five year olds, are just amazing. Tequila has a heart of gold and will do anything to make you happy. And Oakie, hes just special, its like he just comes to life when he knows he gets to do his job (barrel racing) and as long as he’s happy, i’m happy. My baby is now a yearling. shes very stunning and i cannot wait to see her when she’s older, i think she will be as equally amazing as her mother. I have a car. Its a 1992 Honda Civic DX special edition. I love that car. I just spent like 400 dollars putting a new fender on her, and giving her a new gas tank. She deserves it after all. And not to mention, i have an incredible boyfriend. I cant even talk about it because the way i feel is beyond words. Its just the truth. Think of everything corny people say about love and i mean thats probably how i feel lol. cause no matter what it comes out corny. but i love that about love. i mean its so special and unique, how can one try to describe it. Shakespeare did it best i believe, in some sonnet.

I feel i’m finally in the right place to start making serious decisions in my life. i feel i’m more mature and i’ve left my past behind me. I’m grateful for the person the past shaped me into, the lessons i learned, but thats over now.  Time for the next chapter in my life, my twenties. 92 days and i will be twenty. I think i’m prepared.

Good luck to those people of my past who aren’t part of my life now. I dont really care for you to be in my life because my life is different now. But good luck to those in it as well, but i’ll be there to love ya and help you through it all the same <3

summer is amazing.. there is so much about it that i love.

i wanna go shopping and buy  some skirts and shorts. i think i have enough tank tops for the summer lol.

LOVE it that its hot. coudln’t be happier right now.

I’m in such a good place it isn’t funny <3

+25 days until June 1st aka my summer begins

+super pumped about my may24 with miss kayla.

+finally starting to save money

+<3 my boy

+could not be happier karlie and megan are back in town.

+just thought y’all should know

i wanna get my hair done. my hair just feels so… grown out and faded. not at all me. must pay off debts. then i can think about getting my hair done.

fuck bills. fuck the rest of winter. fuck ontario and the stupid gonverment raping the already raped struggling poor class. like yeah ok the unemployed just do what they do. i dont know how they do it. but there they are. i think the secret to living off of unemployment is to totally cut personal hygeine out of your budget. and i’m talking something as simple as soap.

but these people who have jobs and slave away to try to keep a roof on their head, to pay their debts, to feed themselves, to have electricity. no they are not as worse off as a kid in africa dying of something. that is really sad and unfortunate and unfair too. but. maybe its time for everyone, rich  and dirrrrty rich to poor and dirrrrrrty poor, to take a good look at themselves. and know the limits. and know where to stop. and know when its become time to just help people out.

I dont know a lot of politics or society bull shit. i live my own life. i struggle to keep what i have. but its worth it. its just sad to see things change and know that i didn’t do anything wrong and i’m going to be penilized for it.

I guess we’ll see….

No. I probably wont ever return to school out of a desire to learn about some new passion awoken inside me, something i’ve just suddenly realized i want to be, something i will be good at, something i will love to do. Ha. if only.

The only reason i’m seeing to return is monetary. i way to make money until i can get my life sorted out. to save up money for the life i want.

the very thought makes me smile. the life that i want. if i have my way, i doubt i’ll be marrying rich ha ha ha. not poor, but not rich. on a farm, not far from whatever city will make him happiest, and easier for me. i understand that I’m going to need a little more clientele…

I think there are only two things in this world I’m good at. Riding horses. and loving those that deserve it.

Thinking back, the people who had my love, but didnt need it, or didn’t deserve it, didn’t last long in my life. i might just be crazy and this notion just might all be some advance thought in my head. Something i want there.  But, its real enough for me.

This was a weird round a bout way of trying to explain my life. to myself. on the internet so maybe somebody could reassure me, understand me.

I’m ridiculously happy. though things are not so sure. for once, I’m confident.

i wish i didn’t need to doubt so much.

but right now that’s all that’s in my head.

i know i’m wrong. at least, that’s what i hope.

sometimes i wonder if…. this is all…. just, a way to justify. to balance out my life. to experience heartbreak first hand. i can see it happening.

and then i’ll understand.

doubt just makes things all the more …. hazy.

lets see. life update. micro update. micro raptor ? ha ha those were on the tv yesterday. its this dinosaur with 4 wings? random.

lets see. horses. oakie has been so awesome all winter. i absolutely love him.  bayler is really coming along as well. i had the chriro come look at her and he fixed her up a bit and shes been so awesome. she just works ya know? i missed riding her so much. i started riding tequila again and now that she has all that bad winter energy out she is starting to work like a dream again. i missed her too! she can be quite the silly mare. as for music ( the horse i’m breaking for kim) thats going really well. we can walk jog and stop. although he really isn’t a fan of stopping and i’m not sure why he doesn’t like the bit.

food basics is going i guess. sometimes i go in there and my day goes really well. people are nice my fellow employees make me laugh. and sometimes i go in there and its like .. why the fuck do i do this job for minimum wage. i mean, i worked a nine and half on a sunday and had these customers that were just dicks and like accused me of stealing and it just hurts ya know. because i get paid so little and i try so hard. but whatever. its just a stupid job and i shouldn’t take it so seriously.

as far as my relationship goes.. its going awesome. i cant really eloborate on it cause, well, theres nothing else to it<3

i have been spending more time with friends and chad and getting out of the house more which is really nice.

anyway. there we go.